It is pure jade, a wide plumage, your heart, your word, Oh Father! Ehuaya.
You pity man, you watch him with mercy! Only for the most brief moment is he next to you, at your side! Ohuaya ohuyaya.
I am a prisoner, a hostage to a group of native tribesmen. People that I have neither seen nor heard of ever before. They are speaking a different language, I can’t understand. It is a tongue that I have never heard before. They are dressed in the most peculiar manner. I think they are wearing costumes, but only of animals; like birds, snakes, and jaguars. They act like animals as well, very barbaric. They appear to be warriors but wear no armor. They don’t hold guns or swords; they use spears and small knives. I don’t know where they are taking me. We have been walking for ten days now through the jungle. I haven’t eaten a good meal in days and am beginning to get scared. Where are they taking me? What will happen to me when I get there? Are there more of them? I am very worried.
I was captured on a beach. I had heard rumors of great treasures in this land and I wanted an adventure. My name is Alejandro Gonzalez, and I am a Spanish sailor. After hearing of Christopher Columbus’s discovery I couldn’t wait to leave my dreary life and start over new, go someplace exciting. I left in the year 1507 and made my way towards the new world, at only twenty six years old. I docked after weeks of travel and instantly found myself in this precarious situation. They surrounded me after moments of arriving and I have been in their possession ever since.
It has now been three weeks. The trail has gotten more treacherous and even more dangerous; swimming through swamps, climbing rocky mountains and also just eating enough to survive. Last week, one of the natives was eaten by a crocodile while crossing through a river. I am now on a constant watch of any sort of animal, insects as well. I have read that the jungle is home to many poisonous insects and snakes, and I wouldn’t want to die in some land far from home. I do have a better idea of where they are taking me though. A fellow captive has learned some of their language over the past few weeks. He says that we are going to a city, a city deep within the jungle. It is the capital of their empire and is called Tenochtitlan.
We have arrived! After two months of travel and almost dying from exhaustion and hunger we reached our destination. The city of Tenochtitlan, very surprisingly, was a magnificent site. I realized that it took an amazing level of intelligence and sophistication to build. It is filled with tall buildings, roadways, canals, irrigation ditches, fields full of crops, and even street vendors. However one of the most amazing accomplishments was the four bridges that were built. Since the city is located on an island inside a large lake, bridges were there for people to travel in and out of the city. The roadways are lined with hundreds of people trying to sell goods and I then realize that they even have a working economy. As I go deeper into the city I am even more amazed. Tenochtitlan appears large enough to rival cities such as Madrid, Paris, and London. It is much more advanced than I could have ever imagined. I then look into the heart of the city and spot a tall pyramid. The pyramid reminds me of the ones that the ancient Egyptians built, but then I notice something else. One side of the pyramid is completely stained with blood. I then jump back into the reality of the situation that I am in, and become scared. I am still a prisoner and now my biggest fear is that I will die as well.
I am taken into a building and while we are walking through I look inside a room and become amazed. The room is filled with treasure; including, piles of gold and silver, many different precious stones and entire statues made from jade. I, and most people, have never even seen or heard of riches this ample, let alone see it. This is the treasure that I had heard about, but never expected finding it would come at such a price. I continued walking and just imagined what fate was coming my way. They placed me into a small, dark room; probably used as a holding cell. I began thinking about how my life has been and what a mistake it was to come here. I came for an adventure and ended up in a trap. I had been waiting a couple hours, just sitting with my thoughts, when they came for me.
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The captive could have only imagined what was to be done to him. Even though these people were very sophisticated in their architecture and government, their religious beliefs were barbaric and inhumane. The captive never knew the Gods that these people worshiped required a human sacrifice daily. The human heart was believed to be necessarily sacrificed to the sun god, Huitzilopochtli, for the sun to rise the following morning. The moment he was captured, he had been pegged as a sacrifice and had no way of knowing or changing his fate. He could only stand on top of the pyramid praying. Moments later, as his bloody heart glistened in the sun, his lifeless body rolled down the pyramid, staining it with more blood along the way.
8 comments:
i really liked how you did not immediately introduce your characater at the beginning of the piece. it was a nice transition from the original attention grabbing opening to the introduction of your main character.
i also liked how you captured the fear in your character as well. also, the ending was a nice way to close the story. great job!
You do a good job of keeping the tension high and engaging the reader with good descriptions. For a while there I thought the captive would escape or be crowned king, but that might make the story too fairytaleish. The historical context is also interesting and adds to the story's effectiveness. However, I am a little unsure of the message you wanted to convey in the end...is the moral of the story that seeking material treasure is wrong?
I enjoyed your story. The short sentences in the beginning were effective in conveying the anxiety of the main character. In the end, you didn't directly communicate to the reader the fate of your character, though it can be implied what might happen next. Very good job on your story!
The beginning of your story really drew me in. It was upbeat and exciting. There was a certain intensity in the way you wrote this and that is what I liked most. When you described traveling through the jungle the word you used really stood out. It was really interesting to read.
It's too bad he had to die, but oh wells. It makes the story more dramatic! Introducing the character later in the narration was a nice change, and I also liked how you compared the natives' sophisticated architecture to their barbaric religious practices. Every civilization has its pros and cons.
This was a very suspenseful story and it keeps the reader engrossed from beginning to end. Your descriptions of the city and of the journey to the city made me feel like I was there too. I could really feel the frustration of the sailor because of the language barrier, the unfamiliar surroundings and most of all, the unsure fate that awaited him.
Your story was very very interesting. Unlike many of the other stories I read, you didn't introduce your character right away, which was a nice touch. Your descriptions were vivid and your story was fun to read. Great Job.
Although the sacrifice of the unlucky adventurer was tragic, I was still intrigued by the tribesmen's reasoning behind the sacrifice. The notion that they needed a human heart everyday in order to make the sun rise the next day is mindboggling. I guess we really take waking up in the morning to the rising of the sun for granted compared to this sophisticated culture in the story. Although the character died at the end of the story, I still admire him for his ability to take risks by adventuring to exotic places around the world. You painted the bustling city and sacrifice vividly and conveyed the man's fear of being sacrificed very well. It is kind of ironic that one's death brings a new day to live for the people of this culture.
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